Madness, of course!

For the last couple of days, I have been thinking quite a lot. Meaningless things, mostly. But it's cynicism that pervades in most of them. Don't know why.

Why do I have to live? Living in this world is not at all easy. Have to fight some really tough battles. But then, it should really be worth it. What do I really achieve in the end?

No one really cares for anyone else. I can't see love without being mixed with selfishness.

I have got a dream of my own, that's sure. But my life is in a fucken state right now. But that doesn't really mean that I should really abandon it. I got to protect my dream. And I will.

Cynicism doesn't have any answers. But I do turn out to be a cynic in between. But the good thing is that I get over it too quickly.

Actually, life is too simple, I think. Ego makes it complex. The wish to show someone else that u are something good and different. But world couldn't work this way without it also. there are good and bad sides for it. and the important thing is to find proper balance, i think.

What do I want?

I opened my eyes in the morning, and the first decision of the day was made very soon. To spend some more time lying on the bed. I tried to listen to the sounds of birds from outside, as I've read in poems and all, but there was hardly any sound except for the shouting voices from hostel corridor. May be it's too late for the birds, but not for me. I looked into the watch, it was 8'o' clock.

Suddenly, one of my hostel mates barged into the room, kicking the door,making a loud noise and destroying my peace of mind. I frowned, but who cares? He opened my cupboard as if it was his own, and started to search for tooth paste. All he could find was an empty tube. He used his whole strength to get something out of it. For one moment, I felt that he might crush it, but fortunately he didn't.

He gave me an angry look and threw the tube back in to my cupboard.

"What's this mate? can't you at least buy a tube of tooth paste?"

He asked as if it was my responsibility to make him brush every morning.

I smiled back. I got up from the bed and wrestled a bit with the tube of paste, but failure was obvious. Then, I myself set out.

While brushing my teeth, I thought of the second decision of the day, whether to go to class or not. That was a bit tougher, since I had to consider the attendence factor. I didn't want to go to class, for sure. But throughout the life, people rarely end up doing what they want. Same is applicable here also.
I have to, eventhough I don't like to. One of the greatest pleasures of life is definitely the opportunity to do what we really want to do. But it's not possible to do only what we want during the journey of life.

'Listen to your heart' is all what I would say to anyone who doesn't know what to do in their life. Do what you want to rather than what you are supposed to and what you are forced to.

Then, I realized that I had to hurry, or I'd be late for classes. Classes must be included among those unwanted, but unavoidable things.. phew..