Deciphering politics

Indian politics continues to be the one thing which incessantly amazes me. It is something that I would never fully understand, no matter how hard I try. Just like electronics, the subject that I took up for Engineering studies.

But being a responsible citizen of this country, I can't fully turn my face away from politics. I need to know how my country is being run, by the representatives who are chosen by the people of this country. So, this post is the beginning of my humble attempt to analyze, understand and extract the valuable politics lessons, using the current happenings as my reference. I would also try to know about the various qualities that a politician should necessarily possess in order to lead this country to prosperity. If you are a mortal in a similar confused state as mine, join in, be a part, learn these valuable lessons, and throw in your suggestions. Or if you already claim to understand politics, there.. take that envious look from me.

Lesson no.1 - Never ending fight against corruption


Yes. That's something that politicians are supposed to do and talk about, throughout their political careers. Sorry. both are same. Talking is mostly what they do. Right? You can see corruption allegations being hurled at ministers and prominent leaders very often, and never think that it's for ruining the image of the enemy or for any sort of political gains. It's all part of the selfless fight. Want to see an example? No need to look too far.

If you have been reading the newspapers, or watching any of the news channels, you would know. The Bihar government was alleged of certain financial irregularities in the recent past. The opposition is demanding chief minister Nitish Kumar's resignation. Now, if you ask me, whether the allegation has truth in it, I don't know. That is definitely out of the radar of this blog. My focus is, the fight. Have a look at a few glimpses of that.



Bihar Assembly was in utter chaos, during last week. Now, for us, no better example can be found. How to fight against corruption is just being illustrated in the picture. Still don't get it? Let me explain

You can see the picture of MLC Jyoti Kumari throwing flower pots around. Flower pots made of clay tend to break when thrown from a particular height. What an effective way to protest against the alleged financial irregularities! But this particular technique works well only if the flower pots are the taxpayer's money. That's probably the reason why the respected MLC Jyoti Kumari didn't bring her own flower pots to implement this sophisticated yet effective way of fighting corruption. A slipper was flung at the speaker by someone. You might be thinking that it was a bit of an undisciplined act and all, but that's all part of the fight. A microphone was removed and thrown away, and lot more. Read the full story here.

I have studied about our political system in Social science, during my primary school days. But I never knew the practical side of it. Neither did the school Parliament teach me anything like these. Being in the school parliament was so easy, actually. No body threw slippers at each other. But the reality seems to be different. Chaos has prevailed in many of the state legislatures recently.(Link). So the school Parliaments need to change as well. Physical training is essential for the students. Or shall we club the school parliament with, say, Sports day or something? Training in Hammer throw, Shot put etc. might turn out to be pretty handy in the parliament.

Watch out for the coming lessons. Soon.

Worldcup hangover : Things that I miss

FIFA WC 2010 has just come to it's conclusion, with Spain having the last laugh. well deserved, I would say.

For the last one month, on almost every day, I had one or two international football matches to look towards, and that was really nice, especially when the hectic time that I was having, almost jeopardized the sanity of my mind. But not anymore. Now, I am suffering from the post world cup hangover. Missing the vigor and passion of hard fought football matches. So, here comes a list of the things that I miss very badly after the exceedingly well organized one month football extravaganza in South Africa. Pardon the nonsense.

1. Shakira



Shakira and her theme song were really magical. The best thing (arguably, I know) about this world cup. There was a bit of a controversy regarding FIFA not approaching an African singer to perform the theme song. But who wants to see an African singer like Akon or K'naan perform? Not that they aren't good enough. But still, can they be as hot and sexy as Shakira? Not in my perspective(Em kinda straight, you know), and I don't know about the girls out there.

Just watched an interview of Shakira in Youtube where she talks about her WC theme song, football in general, and work that her foundation does to provide education to poor children. Find the video here. The interviewer appreciates all the philanthropic work that she does, or at least she claims to be doing. Even I appreciate the same too. But I've never seen anyone appreciating the philanthropic work of Vicente Ferrer Moncho or Jamini Bhushan Ray. The rule is quite simple. When you are an exceedingly hot female, the probability of your philanthropic/social work being appreciated is very very high.


I need to move on to the next item in the list. Let me conclude this one first.

Providing education to poor children is a great thing. Education helps us to live on this planet in a better way. Earth is such a beautiful planet and we need to conserve it. Because, earth is the only planet where Shakira exists. Damn.

2. Vuvuzela



Vuvuzela needs no introduction, for those who have been watching FIFA WC 2010 matches. Vuvuzela is the large blowing horn which produces a highly annoying buzzing sound. It is very commonly played during football matches in South Africa. The sound is so annoying that, certain television networks had to try to filter it out.

Google has even introduced a Vuvuzela button in Youtube. While watching football videos, you can blow a Vuvuzela. If you haven't seen that button yet, check out the highlights video of the Ghana Uruguay quarter final here. You can start blowing the Vuvuzela by clicking on the football shaped button seen near the pop out button.


3. Paul and his predictions

Paul is the psychic octopus who predicted the outcomes of several matches correctly. He is a maverick, indeed. He entered the field of astrology, and no other octopus has done it before.
If the Paul prediction thing had happened in India, won't the west have accused us Indians of being superstitious? Anyways, I enjoyed the buzz around his predictions, and all the lame jokes surrounding it. I miss Paul, and I am sure he is disappointed too. He hasn't got any more predictions to make. He has to live as an ordinary octopus now. What would have Paul said on the situation, if he could speak? Here comes the answer.

"Ahem.. Thanks for all your support. Now my future looks kinda empty, as the world cup is over. But on the other hand, er.. I mean, on any of the other eight hands, I have noticed certain opportunities in the form of Indian premier league. I could predict the results of those matches"

How about that? Shall we begin a campaign 'Paul in IPL'? Or shall we use him to predict the things that are likely to happen in our Indian politics, where the happening are unexpected and illogical most of the times? That could work out very well, considering the fact that Paul also doesn't have any logic or skill behind his predictions.

So, these are the things that I miss, mostly. The withdrawal symptoms are so strong that, despite not being a keen observer of club football, I have decided to keep track of all the English/Spanish premier league matches this year.

Nuggets of nonsense

I am enjoying the World cup football pretty well, especially because My fav team, Argentina is doing well. Premature exit of Italy and France was very sad. But this is not what I want to talk about.

The cleavage showing girl Mayanti Langer (Am I right?) who hosts the pre and post match show in espn/star sports freaks me out. Come on.. this is about football and all of us clearly know that she is not the best expert that we can have. She claims to have some knowledge about football, but she's far from the best. Isn't she?

Ok, men usually like cleavages and all, but why,why in a football related show?


***

Me : Do you have jeans of hip size *censored* ?
Salesman : Sorry sir, we don't.
Me : Sigh, but there in that shelf, I can see size *censored*
Salesman : That is ladies jeans, sir.
Bro chuckles. Immediately made silent with an angry stare.
Me : *^$$^%$@^#
Salesman : Sir, why don't you try the largest size in the kids section sir?
Me : (mutter) Fuck you (Normal voice)No. I'll gain some weight and come back.
Bro : (On the way back)Hey, don't walk near that dog. It might get tempted by the bones in your body. They all are too visible.
Me : Ohoho.. great joke.

Any short cuts to gain weight?

***

My bottom is on fire for the next ten days. But I can't reveal why. Being an anonymous blogger sounds like a better and better idea to me.

***

I always find facts which are contrary to the reasons when I follow reasons far enough. Do you think that it's logically possible? I need to get some sleep, I know, I know.

PS.1 - The author of this blog is not that lean as this post indicates. Actually, he is a muscle hunk, with these six, eight, I don't know how many packs and all.

PS.2 - I seriously wish if PS.1 was true

Two tragic events

Tragedy no.1 (I'm sorry if that reminded you of some lame Govinda movie. Ok, if it did, that's another tragedy. But let's say, it's far less important compared to the tragedies being discussed here)

Bhopal tragedy. But I am sure that there are some people who find it very difficult to agree with the public opinion in India, that the incident is, actually a tragedy. Why can't it be called as a comedy? It is a comedy, indeed. At least for a few people. Just consider Mr. Warren Anderson. You treat the poverty stricken people of a country as guinea pigs, continue the functioning of a plant despite serious threats being raised during a safety audit, cause 15000 deaths, conceal the composition of the gas that leaked so that the compensation to be given isn't huge, and after all these, escape to your homeland, enjoy a happy and luxurious retired life. Aha!

I remember studying about Bhopal tragedy in history text books, when I was in 6th or 7th standard. At that time, I never knew that verdict was yet to come out. The bloody thing happened in 1984, and after 26 years, we are still mourning. Do we have any right to talk about achieving developed country status? We have a huge mess to clean up before that, including our judicial system which still runs damn fucking slow.

Trgedy no.2 - Raavan

Watched Raavan three days back. A total disaster. I was so eagerly waiting for that movie. I love both the ancient epics, Ramayana and Mahabharata, for the variety and subtlety of situations and characters that they offer, if not for the philosophical aspects of them. I grew up, listening to stories from them and Puranas, and later, reading them. An adaptation of Ramayana seemed really promising to me, that too from Mani Ratnam. But the movie was totally disappointing.

Screenplay had no strength in it. It even looked too stupid at times. Abhishek has made good efforts. Aishwarya does a lot of screaming, and nothing much other than that. Govinda looks like a clown. Ok, that's the way he looks in all of his films, but come on.. This was a Mani Ratnam film.. Vikram didn't get to do much of acting.

Why I want to be a Maoist

Note :- This post doesn't have any serious political/ideological implications. Most of the posts in my blog fall under one category, nonsense. This post isn't an exception.

Quick disposal of cases against them through fast-track courts. Surrendered Maoists will go through counseling and vocational training by an NGO nominated by the state government.

They will then be provided margin money up to Rs 2 lakhs and bank loans up to Rs 10 lakhs to start businesses

This appeared in the newspapers around a week ago. The rehabilitation package offered by the West Bengal Gov. to the surrendering Maoists.

I went through this thing again and again, scrutinized it several times, tweeted about it, pondered over it again and again, and now, I have reached the conclusion. What a tempting offer! You can't blame jobless people in this country, whose I am a representative of, if they think that this is the best beginning that they can have.

Why work for a corporate company? Work for yourself. Start a business of your own. And there, the Government is, to help you with the capital. You figure out what business you want to do.

Now that I have made up my mind and chosen the different and bold path, Got to move forward with the execution. I have to surrender. But in order to surrender, I have to be a Maoist first. I am pretty sure that I am qualified enough. I have plenty of experience in putting holes on the foreheads of my opponents and spraying their blood all over. Yea.. in first person shooter games, of course. That's the closest that I was able to get to that experience. Not my fault, you know. Oh wait.. I have hit balloon targets very accurately with an air gun. Now that makes me a potential candidate.

I'm not very sure about how the applications are to be submitted. Do the Maoists have a website or somethin, where I can upload my resume to their database? They must be having something like that. I can't go all the way to West Bengal for submitting the application.

I'll get selected for sure. Unless they have a minimum height-weight or a minimum GPA criteria. Come on.. you need not be a Salman Khan to shoot innocent people or remove the fishplates of railway tracks.

After the selection, do they have a training program? I'm a fresher, new in the field, right? So I need some training. Guns in computer games don't have weight. But in real, they are all very heavy. So I might take some time to adjust with it. Hopefully, the training program will add value to myself. I wouldn't mind being in their training campus for a couple of months, unless twitter is blocked there. Can't miss the controversies that Mr.Tharoor creates. They are priceless! They come out one per week, right? Or is it one in two weeks?

During my short term tenure as a Maoist, I would like to be interviewed by Arundhati Roy. She thinks that all Maoists are Gandhians. Did she really mean that? oh.. I got it. She might have compared Maoists with the politicians in our country. Killing people with a single bullet fire is a very benign act compared to making people rot in a corrupt country.

At the end of the interview, I would like to ask her something back. She has been telling that the mining industries are disrupting the lives of tribes and they are joining the Maoists because of the Government's negligence. So how come not even a single industry been attacked by the Maoists? Why all the attacks are directed towards civilians/Policemen/Jawans? Or may be I'll find out the answers myself when I'm a part of them. Fine.. That'll do.

The interview with Arundhati Roy will appear in a major magazine/newspaper, which will make me kind of a... celebrity, you know. I like that. One lakh followers in twitter. People discussing about me being gay/not gay. Marriage followed by an immediate divorce. So, I can sell the broadcast rights of my surrendering act to a TV channel and make some money that way also.

What awaits me after the surrendering act? I would have killed a dozen people and been a part of sabotages which might have taken a couple of hundreds of lives, by that time. So, they will put me in counseling. Now, if you've been through an Engg. college, and if you haven't been the 'teacher's pet - class topper types', I am sure you've experienced intense counseling, abuse, threats etc. So counseling and all related stuff is gonna be a cakewalk.

That's all. Right after that, I will be a businessman. What business will I do? I'll decide it later. Or considering the celebrity status that I would have acquired, I might be able to make a living, endorsing products, or judging reality shows. That ain't bad either..

P.S:-

The picture was added without any intention. But the girl standing next to the guy in white dress looks good. Yet another reason to be a Maoist.